My man thinks light skinned women use men

I am a 24-year-old girl and I am having problems. My mother has seven children. When I was born, she gave me away. I was raised by a woman who had other children. When I was 15, one of her sons molested me and I told her about it. She didn’t believe me.

She asked him about it and he denied it. He returned for sex a second time and I consented because I didn’t want my adoptive parents to throw me out. They told me if I told anybody, I would have to leave.

One day, I was coming from school and a man told me he had always admired me. I had just turned 16. The man was nearly twice my age. I noticed he was always putting himself in the way so I could see him after school.

I asked him if he was married and he said no. He told me he had two children but he and their mother didn’t get along. I was not happy at home. This man told me I was too young to leave, so I stayed. I got tough and refused to have sex with the lady’s son. I told him that I would chop him if he tried to have sex with me again because that was the only way people would believe me. He stopped molesting me.

When I was 18, I left and went to live with the man. I am still with him, but sometimes we argue. I am of light complexion and he is very dark and his mind is as dark as his complexion.

He doesn’t want to see a fly pitch on me. If I talk to any other men he says I am with him. Sometimes I don’t like to sleep with him because he drinks a lot and he stinks of rum. He is the type of man who can’t talk to me without cursing.

He is always threatening to shoot me in the vagina. He doesn’t have a gun, but he says that he can get one. I am working and I want to go back to school. He can afford to help me, but he is afraid that I am going to leave him. He said light-skinned girls like to trick black men. Please give me your advice.

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

You said this man is nearly twice your age but you seem to like him. Apart from his drinking, cursing, and threats, both of you have got along. I hope you would never condemn your mother for giving you away, so to speak. She thought it was the best thing to do. I imagine she thought you would have had a better life than she could have given you.

The people who took you seemed to have treated you well but then their son molested you. When you complained about him, they defended their son and called you a liar. Now that you are older, I am sure you have realised that many times, it is the victim of abuse who is not believed.

These people behaved as if their son was a saint and would never sexually abuse you. It took you a while to decide to stand your ground, so to speak, and when you did, the sexual abuse ceased.

It is unfortunate that you went to live with a man at such a tender age, but you believed that by leaving your adoptive parents’ home and going to this man was your way of escape.

Older men are generally jealous over their young spouses, so I am not surprised that he is jealous over you. What is bad is that he curses and he seems to lack the ability to reason.

You know that you are not keeping another man with him. He is saying things to frighten you to keep you under his control.

I suggest you try your best to further your education. You don’t have to depend on him. You can work and study. Ignore the nonsense he mentioned about women with light complexions. Not all women use men.